Monday, April 9, 2012

15 Days!

It's true, I leave the United States in just 15 days! I really can't believe how much time has passed and how quickly it has gone by! I'm definitely a little bit nervous--just about everything coming together--but I am more excited than anything else. This is going to be an experience of a lifetime for me, and I want to get the most out of my time in Italy as possible. I feel like I'm at this funny point in life where I am on the brink of entering into a new phase of life; I'm leaving so much behind and everything in my future is new--it's unknown! I have 3 days left of classes at BYU, I will take my finals, I will graduate and walk in Commencement on April 20th. Then, in 4 short days, I will leave my friends, my family, and everything that I am comfortable. I will live in a foreign country for 3 months and come back to a new set of unknowns: grad school.

I have really been trying to plan things out and be prepared, but I think what my field directors have been telling me for months is finally really starting to sink in, "I need to be okay with ambiguity." I'm still trying to determine if my mindset has really shifted that much by choice, or that if it has shifted because it had to--because I realize that as much as I try to control something, I can't (like my housing for instance--still up in the air). Either way, it has. I don't know where I'm going to live, who my friends will be, how I will do with communication, or even how I'm going to go grocery shopping. One thing I do know though is that I will figure it out. I think everything is so ambiguous now because I'm not there, once I'm actually in Italy, my life won't be ambiguous because I'll be living it. Does that make sense? Right now my future is ambiguous, even tomorrow is ambiguous--I can plan my day out (which I usually do--hour by hour), but unexpected things will happen and I will be fine; I am doing all I can prepare now, and I will figure out every curve ball that is thrown at me when it comes. That's how it should be. I played softball for 8 years, and I think the analogy works out very well. You don't start swinging--or even determine where or how you will swing the bat--until the pitcher releases the ball; if you did, you would strike out just about every time. I think that by understanding that concept, I can better grasp what living with ambiguity means. It doesn't mean I'm not prepared, just like a batter who has spent hours in batting practice, I have spent dozens upon dozens (probably more) hours preparing for this field study. And with the skills and knowledge I've developed, I will step up to the plate in Italy and take the curve balls as they come. :) I hope this all made sense, because I really feel like I've just had an epiphany.

Being okay with ambiguity doesn't mean that I'm okay slacking off and not preparing, it means that I've prepared, and because of that preparation, I am ready to handle ambiguity--to thrive in and with it.

1 comment:

  1. So what did you end up doing for housing? Are you in Italy? I think I may be heading into India with no housing. I will have to muse on your thoughts about ambiguity because they will be so personally meaningful, haha.

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