Worst Day

I feel so dumb right now, I don't even know how to articulate it. Unfortunately I have a feeling that once you read the rest of this post, you will be shaking your head at me in disbelief. I don't even know why I'm writing now, probably because I can't get ahold of anyone and don't know what else to do. I was planning on going to Cinque Terre tomorrow with my friend Emma, I packed up all my things--passport, documents, money, train tickets (that I bought for her and I, for about 150 Euro), clothes and threw a towel on top because I was going to the beach today with some other friends and planned on taking a train straight from there to Rome, staying the night in Rome, and then getting up bright and early for what surly would have been the best weekend of my trip. I was waiting at the near the fire station for Giulia to pick me up when I realized I forgot some papers that I could use for my research while I was away. It was a tug a war inside my mind what to do--return to the house (it was only 5 minutes down a dirt road) or go without the papers. I decided to go down the dirt road, but I didn't want to make Giulia wait. Since I've actually only seen one other person use that road--my neighbor--I decided to slide my bag in some buses and run home so I wouldn't waste time. WORST DECISION OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I ran home, grabbed the papers, ran back--all in about 5 minutes. I passed the spot where my backpack was, realized it, and turned around to grab it. It wasn't there. My word, obviously I should have never let something carrying so many important things--passport, documents, credit card, money, train tickets, my camera, even my diary/field journal and a letter to a friend--out of my sight. I wish a million times that I was capable of going back in time--not making such a dumb mistake, but I can't now...

I ran into a nearby fire station and tried to explain my problem to 6 men who didn't speak any English; one man came to help who spoke some english. So, here I am, stressing, with a lump the size of Texas in my throat, and feeling more dumb than I ever have in my life because what happened was 100% my fault. It wasn't an unlucky thing, I honestly think I would feel better right now had someone robbed me face to face.. I jotted a few numbers down before my phone completely died--Diego and Mara's (host family), my bishops, Emmas, and my friend Guilia--who was on her way to get me. My phone died, the firemen called the police, who came. They also didn't speak English. Now, I am definitely learning Italian and getting better, but trying to explain something like this in Italian was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Diego's dad, bless his heart, came to the station and we drove to the police station to file a report. I just can't believe how things changed so quickly from being so great to so miserable. I have no documents, hardly any money, and the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to talk to anyone because it was such a dumb mistake, and I feel so miserable already that I don't think I could take someone giving me one of those 'are-you-serious?' looks. I wish I could talk to my mom, but although Emma was able to help me get ahold of her and let her know what happened, my phone is now dead and I can't get to her through Skype. I am in serious need of a 45 minute long hug, but don't even feel like I deserve that right now. :/

I'm trying not to be pessimistic, since the moment it happened, I tried to find a solution and the silver lining. But right now, I'm lost for both... I am so grateful for everyone and their help, but so sick that I did this. Ah, how a split second decision and 5 minutes can change everything so quickly. I dread talking to anyone.. I have this complex where I don't cry, but I think that if anyone made me feel worse, by reinforcing how dumb of a mistake I just made was or showed me any sympathy, I think the tears would come. I don't mean to be melodramatic, and writing this out has helped. Guess it's time to put on my big girl panties and stop feeling sorry for myself. I did this, I take responsibility, I will figure it out. This isn't going to ruin my field study. There's got to be a silver lining, somewhere...

I'm Alive!

I'm Alive! And doing wonderfully! :) We FINALLY got WiFi at my house, which will definitely make communication a lot easier. I think last time I wrote, I was complaining about how hard some things were. I recently spoke with a friend whose mom read my blog (Hi Sister Blake:) and relayed to Audrey that I was having a difficult time. So, to start things off, I just want to let anyone and everyone know that I'm happy here--which I guess probably shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, I mean, I'm in Italy for goodness sakes. :) That's not to say that there aren't difficult times, but that's because it's real life here--not just a vacation--and what is life without trials? (That was a rhetorical question, but I guess the answer would probably be: A Chick Flick).

I have dedicated my first month to TONS of informal interviews, which were incredibly vital to my project. Part of me feels like I know most of the answers to my questions now, but if I hadn't done those 'informal' interviews, I assure you that I would have asked the wrong questions. I want to understand dating and courtship for young adults in Italy, which--I have learned--is quite (I want to say extremely, which is probably more true, but I'm trying not to exaggerate) different from the dating in the states, and then--of course--WAY different from the dating culture at BYU. Even the wording in my drafted questions didn't really make sense for the Italian culture. For example, there really isn't a direct translation for 'date,' a word that seemed obvious and self explanatory to me. Whenever I asked people about what a date is like in Italy, I had to explain what I mean; and since being here, my explanation for a 'date' has changed to something actually occurs here. I definitely am thankful to have my host brother here, who is fluent in English. The negative side is that we speak a lot of English, so I am not practicing my Italian as much as I could be. The upside: He can explain so many things to me about Italian culture in a way that I can really understand, he helped me translate my consent form, and can help me with some translating!

The best thing that has happened here, for myself and for my project is making friends. I actually met a girl named, Giulia, while I was studying at the library a few weeks ago and we've become pretty good friends. She is an absolute sweetheart and invites me to do things with her and her friends, which has given me the opportunity to make even more friends--that all live right around Bracciano! The last few days, I've been hanging out with a girl named Gisenia--she took me all around the nearby towns, and also to the gym--for 3 1/2 hours! Pretty intense, but I needed the work out, was able to meet even more people there, and got a taste of another aspect of the Italian culture. So, to state the obvious, things are really looking up. :)

My biggest challenge now is getting everything I need to do, done. I conducted my first official interview a couple days ago, which was 1) Great, and 2) made me realize a few things that I need to change in my questions--it's really a continual work in progress. I'm taking my 'mid-semester' retreat next week (which seems wayy too soon!), but I get to go to Sicily, so the only complaint connected to that is that I have less  than 7 weeks left here! It is truly amazing how quickly time flies! So right now, it's a balancing act, which is easier to do when I'm not in a new place and eager to see and experience everything. If only I didn't have my social psychology class to do while I was here (last class I need to 'officially graduate; since I took 11 credits towards my field study winter semester, that means I have to take 1 last psychology class this spring/summer so that I can start grad school in the fall!).

I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned here, that I thought I knew pretty well to begin with, is the importance of being open minded. While life in Rome is extremely fast paced, life in Bracciano isn't as much. Convenience isn't the motivating factor in people's lives here--my host family takes time to prepare meals, to eat meals together and talk for a long time, and to hand-wash every plate, spoon, pot, and pan--even though they own a dishwasher (which I've never seen used). Being early isn't as important. Buying some groceries everyday is normal (I swear the reason that the food is so good here is because it's so fresh!). I've learned to like it. Even with 'dating'/courtship in Italy, at first I had to actively remind myself not to be judgmental and to take the attitude that, 'it's not better or worse here, just different,' even though I felt like it was worse. Now, I've grown to see the beauty in it, and think I might be developing a preference for it--which is something I NEVER expected. It's the same with a lot of things, but rather than preferring one thing over the other, I have really been able to find the good, and sometimes the bad, in each.  That has come a lot with taking the time to understand the reasons that motivate behavior. Many Italian people that I have met don't ignore the benefits of convenience, they would just rather spend quality time with family and friends--doing dishes together is a way to spend quality time together--one that I didn't appreciate until recently.

I really do think that everyone should go experience a different culture, and not just have it as a bucket list item that never gets crossed off. I have had so many people tell me how jealous they are that I am in Italy. My advice to them is simply: Do It! There will always be a million excuses to make, and a million reasons why it's better to wait. It would have been better for me, in a lot of logical ways, to stay in Utah or live at home in Washington this summer. Rather than spending all my money, I could have saved it; I could be doing more research to prepare for Grad School in the fall. If I had stayed home, I would be there to see my little brother get back from his mission, and gotten to see some good friends get married. Basically what I'm saying is that circumstances are rarely perfect, but you've got to go for what you think you want and need. That was true for my decision to come here, and that's true for my experiences here. It's not easy to put myself out there, but what worthwhile things were ever easy? I am learning a lot here, making a conscious decision to be happy and outgoing, and loving it. :D

and, since pictures say 1000 words, and I'm crunched for time, here some are:

Cinthya and I eating at a little cafe in Rome; and by eating I guess I mean just drinking juice and eating chocolate--which we got for free :)

At a soccer game in Rome!

A late night crepe and panino

The Rome Temple construction!

Bracciano Lake

Making pizza with my host mom, I now LOVE: tomatoes, salt, and olive oil. Mamma Mia!

The hedge hog that my friend and I  almost hit

VATICAN CITY:

climbing the stairs of St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City

View from the top

Gesenia and I

Dinner with an investigaor and the sister missionaries; the one on the right and I took an Italian class together at BYU!
Side note: I think there were 4 different main dishes and about 9 sides for this dinner!

Italy: the good and the bad

I have been living in Italy for a little while and getting a lay of the land, I feel like I did a pretty good job and perceiving some of the road bumps in my study, but I am still facing a lot that I did not expect. Meeting people seems like a pretty difficult thing to do, unfortunately. I have met a lot of young adults through church activities, but they live all around Rome and the surrounding areas, so even if I did want to spend time with them and learn more about it, that is a very difficult thing to do. I really need to meet some young adults in this town. I was hoping that my host family would know a lot of people and be able to connect me to some friends, given that there were to young adults living in this house (only one other now) that are 24 and 26. Unfortunatly, they haven't lived here long, and don't know a lot of their surrounding neighbors. No one in the home I am staying in works in the town of Bracciano, so they don't have those connections either.

I was introduced, however, to a girl named Morgana, who lives in Bracciano, by my host mom, Mara. I was telling Mara about what I was trying to do with my study, and she was racking her brain trying to think of someone. Then she mentioned that she knew a girl named, Morgana. We were in the car when she was telling me this, and who would you guess we see walking just a few minutes later? Morgana! So she pulled over, I got out of the car, and she started to drive away. I realized it was only to park, but that still left me alone with a girl, and who seemed like her boyfriend, that I didn't know. They both spoke a little bit of English, and with my Italian we were able to introduce ourselves. She was really nice, and so was her boyfriend. She told me to get her number from my host brother and give her a call so that we could do something. Thank goodness! I really need to call her, not only for my study, but just for my sanity--I need a friend, one that I can go chat with for 30 minutes when I need a break, ya know?

I guess that is my biggest challenge so far here, just feeling alone. Not that I am always alone--which I guess I am at this point. I've realized though that, at least for me, it is easier to be alone, than to feel alone when you are with a big group of people. The language barrier is really getting to me. I can get my point across in some situations, but not all. And even though there are people here that speak English, I really want to be able to communicate with the people who don't and understand them. Basically none of the girls here speak English, so if I want to be friends with them, I need to really work on my Italian. There's a couple things that are really hard about it, 1) That I went from being one of the smartest people in all of my classes, to feeling like one of the least intelligent people here, just because I can't articulate or express what I want to. 2) Because I don't feel like I have a voice here, I guess it's kind of like what I've heard from other people, you kind of lose your personality a bit here with the language barriers. It was really embarrassing for me when my host mom, Mara, started explaining to everyone at church, what I was doing here--that I was in Italy to study people. Everyone kind of seemed put off by it--that it was weird. I wanted so badly to just express myself, because mainly, right now, I just want to make friends. It's hard now, my host Mom thinks that I am really quiet, mainly because I don't know how to express myself-especially to here (she speaks so quickly) , so I guess I just don't. That's definitely something I need to work on. Mistakes are the best teachers, that's what I hear! If only it was as easy to do.

YSA Group Last Saturday

15 Days!

It's true, I leave the United States in just 15 days! I really can't believe how much time has passed and how quickly it has gone by! I'm definitely a little bit nervous--just about everything coming together--but I am more excited than anything else. This is going to be an experience of a lifetime for me, and I want to get the most out of my time in Italy as possible. I feel like I'm at this funny point in life where I am on the brink of entering into a new phase of life; I'm leaving so much behind and everything in my future is new--it's unknown! I have 3 days left of classes at BYU, I will take my finals, I will graduate and walk in Commencement on April 20th. Then, in 4 short days, I will leave my friends, my family, and everything that I am comfortable. I will live in a foreign country for 3 months and come back to a new set of unknowns: grad school.

I have really been trying to plan things out and be prepared, but I think what my field directors have been telling me for months is finally really starting to sink in, "I need to be okay with ambiguity." I'm still trying to determine if my mindset has really shifted that much by choice, or that if it has shifted because it had to--because I realize that as much as I try to control something, I can't (like my housing for instance--still up in the air). Either way, it has. I don't know where I'm going to live, who my friends will be, how I will do with communication, or even how I'm going to go grocery shopping. One thing I do know though is that I will figure it out. I think everything is so ambiguous now because I'm not there, once I'm actually in Italy, my life won't be ambiguous because I'll be living it. Does that make sense? Right now my future is ambiguous, even tomorrow is ambiguous--I can plan my day out (which I usually do--hour by hour), but unexpected things will happen and I will be fine; I am doing all I can prepare now, and I will figure out every curve ball that is thrown at me when it comes. That's how it should be. I played softball for 8 years, and I think the analogy works out very well. You don't start swinging--or even determine where or how you will swing the bat--until the pitcher releases the ball; if you did, you would strike out just about every time. I think that by understanding that concept, I can better grasp what living with ambiguity means. It doesn't mean I'm not prepared, just like a batter who has spent hours in batting practice, I have spent dozens upon dozens (probably more) hours preparing for this field study. And with the skills and knowledge I've developed, I will step up to the plate in Italy and take the curve balls as they come. :) I hope this all made sense, because I really feel like I've just had an epiphany.

Being okay with ambiguity doesn't mean that I'm okay slacking off and not preparing, it means that I've prepared, and because of that preparation, I am ready to handle ambiguity--to thrive in and with it.

Historical Immersion!

Rome is a culture with such a strong history--one that I definitely want, and need, to learn about to truly understand the Italian culture. I was talking to a woman yesterday who recently had the opportunity to travel to Italy and she was going off about how you can just feel the history in some of the ancient buildings. I've always felt similarly with things like that. I was reading/looking at some ancient manuscripts for a humanities class a year or two ago and felt such a connection with the past--someone, or maybe several people, spent their time making those manuscripts hundreds or thousands of years ago, and they were preserved so that I could experience them. I feel like I will have similar feelings about the ancient architecture and artwork in Rome. Yes, I want to be immersed in their current culture, but in order to understand the present circumstances, I feel that it is so important to learn about the past. I want to not only see the art and architecture around the city, I want to experience it, hopefully with friends that I've made in Italy that have a better understanding of it and can help me understand it's importance to them. I guess it's not directly related to my project, but it's related to my overall experience which is the most important part, isn't it?


So, although I won't be at museums all day, they are an aspect of Rome that I want to experience--so, to get the most bang for my buck, I've looked into some potential passes that I can purchase


Roma Pass

• 3 day pass

• free transportation 

• free admission for 2 museums or sites, exhibitions and events

• can be used at more than 40 monuments

• costs 25 euros

Vatican and Rome Card

• admission & no waiting in line for the Vatican Museums and Colosseum

• includes transportation, open bus Roma Cristiana, itinerary audio tours and maps, traveler medical assistance and dicounts

• discounts for admissions to most other monuments and museums in Rome

Appia Antica Card

• good for 7 days from first use

• free admission to the Baths of Caracalla, the Villa of the Quintili, and the Tomb of Cecilia Metella

Biglietto 4 Musei - 4 museum combination tickets

• free admissions to each of 4 national museums of Rome;  Palazzo Altemps, Palazzo Massimo, Diocletian Baths, and Balbi Crypt

http://goitaly.about.com/od/romeitaly/qt/rome_pass.htm

So, these all seem great, but I definitely feel like they're more geared towards short, tourist trips... I just bought an international student ID card, maybe I'll look more into what that offers...I am going to be there for 3 months, I don't want to try to crunch all of my historical exploration into 3 days, or even 7, I'm hoping that I can find an option that spreads it out a little more. I guess all I can do is keep my eyes and ears open!

Safeguarding My Money

I've got my cell phone plans almost all figured out for Italy, the next thing I need to worry about is money. I feel like my trip is so close at hand that I'm really getting down to a lot of the logistical details of my trip--which is great! It's also a little bit taunting. There are SOOO many little things I can do now, before I get to Europe, that will make my experience a lot less stressful when I'm actually there. The trick is trying to determine what all those little things are, and then making time to actually do them. Like I said before, I've got my cell phone situation figured out, and I have bought my International Student ID card--2 checks off my list. Now I'm trying to figure out how I will withdraw money, and when I have the money, how I will keep it secure.


I was reading online (http://goeurope.about.com/od/moneymatters/a/atm-card-fees.htm) about withdrawing money in Italy. There is a 250 Euro limit per day that I can draw out, and I've found that in the long run, it is better to withdraw larger amounts of money. This is because each bank charges different service fees and has associated costs for withdrawing money outside of the United States. This website tested several different debit/credit cards in Italy and fond the top four ones for international use. I was relieved to see that my bank, Wells Fargo, was among them. Sadly, it wasn't thee best--there is a $5 fee for all withdrawals, which is more than the 1% fee charged by a couple of other banks. Because of that, it will be important for me to make sure to always withdraw the maximum amount of money, so that I waste the least amount of money possible from service fees. 


A problem that comes with withdrawing the maximum amount of money is, of course, safeguarding my money.  Italy is somewhat well known for their pick-pocketers, and purse snatchers. The advice the website suggested was to keep the majority of my money and important documents (passport, etc.) in a travel security wallet or passport holder, worn under my clothing (which may be slightly uncomfortable), and then to carry a small amount of cash and one credit card in my purse, pocket, or pack.


One great piece of advice this website had was to take down the foreign phone number for each atm and credit card so that if it is lost or stole, I can report it. They also suggested making a photocopy of my passport--will do!! Obviously, I will be staying with a family, so I hope that I will be able to leave it there--in a safe and locked location.

Beyond that, some typical smart advice was things like: carrying my purse in front of me where I can easily see it, being aware of my surroundings, not putting my purse, day pack, or camera anywhere where someone could take it, and to close all zippers. Another precaution is to be aware of robbers use of diversions--like having someone hold a piece of cardboard in front of me to read, or using a child as a diversion while I am pick pocketed. Honestly, I don't think I would have thought much of that--being a foreigner, I think I'd have probably taken the time to read a sign or talk to a child. Ah, there is just so much to be aware of--these are great things to know! (http://goitaly.about.com/od/italytraveltips/qt/pickpockets.htm)

Cell Phone

The time is getting close and closer for me to go to Italy, and there are still a lot of little things that I really need to figure out before I get there, one being cell phones. I have talked to a few different people about purchasing a cell phone in Italy, but no one has given me direct advice, or connected me to any resources where I could get advice. So, I took it upon myself to do some research. :)


First of all, I think there are some huge benefits to having a cell phone abroad. Since I am not just a tourist, and will be immersed in the culture--with no other American students (at least none that I know of at this point), I am going to have to rely on myself, and the Italians I meet, to get around; they will be my social network. An important part of a social network is communication. I can't name one friend I know that does not have a cell phone in the U.S. While I cannot make a overarching statement about people in Italy, I am guessing that most--if not all--young adults there also have cell phones. Having a cell phone will not only be useful for getting around the city (when I get lost, which I know will happen), but it will be useful to hear about events going on. The first month I am in Italy, before doing any research, I hope that friends I meet might let me know of things that are going on through texting or calling (which is common here), rather than hoping I run into them so that they can tell me. When my research does actually start, having a cell phone will be a useful way for me to connect with participants and check in to make sure that we are on the same page as far as the timing and place of meetings goes.


Clearly, having a cell phone will be a huge benefit, but 1) What kind do I get, and 2) How do I get it?


Solutions: 



Purchase a SIM card for use with an unlocked GSM cell phone 

1. must make sure the phone is 'unlocked' and compatible with other SIM cards
2. SIM card determines phone's number and allows access to the service that particular SIM card supports
3. Buy FOR (not in!) the country
4. purchase from a dealer in the US who specializes in selling and renting cell phones for use abroad
5. if you get it early, the number is embedded in the phone and I can give that number to friends and family; active SIM card when in the country

Rent or buy an unlocked GSM cell phone and prepaid sim card from Cellular Abraod

1. local Italian number for calls in Italy
2. Free incoming calls
3. fixed low rate for calls to the US
4. all menus in English
5. 24 hour a day service
6. include foreign adapter for charger
7. come with small prepaid initial credit (4 Euros = 23 minutes calling in Italy, 11 to US)
8. it's possible to buy additional prepaid minutes directly from Cellular Abraod when I place my order
9. can easily add time while in Italy
10. UNO mobile service

Italy SIM Card Rental and Purchase Options
http://goitaly.about.com/od/italytraveltips/qt/cell_phones.htm

SIM & Cell Phone Packages for Italy http://www.cellularabroad.com/packages-italy.html

Well, now I know! Next step is probably talking with my parents and those that have lived in Italy, and figuring out which option is best for me.